The true defenition of a dead beat

by TK
(Champaign, Illinois)

I am a 23 yr old single mom with two kids. Yes they have different dads but that doesn’t mean a thing now a day... It’s not something I’m proud of but it is the truth. Now I work, 40 hours or more a week. I go faithfully, and I have my kids in state approved daycare. I make sure they are there every weekday, I volunteer, and we work on homework.

My daughter is too young for that but i reinforce what they teach her, and they reinforce the values I want my kids to have. My son's dad is nowhere to be found and since he isn’t harassing me to have custody of my son I don’t care. Now my daughter's father on the other hand is a different story.

He is demeaning full rights to my daughter, including coming to get her when he wants and claiming her on his taxes. I wouldn’t care because that is only right, but he doesn’t do anything for her. He doesn’t help pay for her childcare, health care, food, diapers (a pack every other month or so and I have to ask for that) clothes (some on her first Christmas and some last week that he got at the Steve and Barry's close out " PACK YOUR CAR FOR $20 SALE!!”) Or any of the other expenses I incur raising our child solo. Now I do have help, my father is a wonderful man who helps me when I need with both my kids because their dads aren’t doing it. I have never considered putting either father on child support; father A because he doesn’t even see my son and he doesn’t work to keep from paying support on all his other kids. And father B, because he gave me some long SAD sob story about the IRS garnishing his checks and being the only one in his family that has a stable income... BLAH BLAH BLAH... Now I was letting him come get my daughter on Saturdays even though he wasn’t doing too much because I think my daughter ought to know her father and sister.

According to him he wants to come get her WHENEVER he wants because he bought those few things for her. I don’t have a problem with that theory if he even tried to help, not only financially but also with all the other stuff that comes with raising a child. You know making sure she is read to, making sure she follows the same rules in both houses so she is stable and consistent, not giving her certain things that I ask him too... His whole speal is I raised my other daughter I know what I’m doing. But my point is, you don’t even know your daughter, if I say don’t wash her clothes in scented detergent its not because I’m being a Nazi, it’s because she has very sensitive skin and it breaks her out.

Then I have to pay for medication he isn’t helping pay for to clear it up. You know. So now I’m at the point where if you want equal say so as my day and me, then you pay equal to what we pay. And now I’m a gold digger and many B words and I’m getting cursed out every other hour. Can anyone tell me how I stop this harassment and end this thing as amicably and responsibly for my daughter as I can? And also is it true that child support court will award him joint custody. I don’t mind that if that’s what’s Best for my Daughter but I want to know what to expect.

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Dead Beat
by: Anonymous

Please understand I dont know you so I am going by what Im reading. I also had a son with a dead beat dad. First you cant be the victim and blame them for all the problems. Second you HAVE to make everything legal. If you dont have legal rights you can have a lot of problems as your children get older (stretch marks dont count). You need to file with the state custody papers, even if you dont want to file childsupport. Here is the catch in my opinion if you dont want to file childsupport you should just move on. Having two fighting parents that dont want to do anything but fight isnt good for kids. You cant get money from complaining and thats what it sounds like you are doing. Be a strong woman. I was in your shoes 20 yrs ago.

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