Trapped and Frustrated
I've read some of the stories here and I don't know what to say. It's true that when a man and woman have sex there is the possibility that a child may be conceived. It's also true if you drive a car you could get in an accident. People do both everyday. Things happen that you can't control, but the difference is being able to decide what to do when that happens. the ability to decide is completely taken away from alot of men who end up paying child support.
As you might guess I'm a father who is paying child support, I had an affair for a few months with a woman I worked with. She was married and in the process of getting a divorce when we first started, once she got divorced she took things into her own hands and got pregnant intentionally to try to manipulate me into leaving my wife. Now she's mad because I didn't and she's taking it out in the courts because the law is so lop-sided it's incredibly easy for her to do.
Think about it, yes I decided to have sex with this woman, she decided to have sex with me. We're completely even at this point. This woman is a nurse (she understands the concept of birth control and all the options available to her) she had previously had an abortion because she didn't want to have a child at that time.
She decided to stop taking birth control at some point. She decided to not take the morning after-pill. She decided not to tell me every day for 8 weeks (during which time she could have had an abortion very easily). She refused to have an abortion after that even when I offered to take her to the clinic and pay entirely for the procedure (it's legal up to 20 weeks).
She also decided to keep the child and not give it up for adoption. If you're keeping score that's 1 decision for me and about 150 for her. I can only surmise that she wanted the child in the first place.
Now because of the way child support is structured I'll be supplementing her income by 50%. That's right She makes a pretty decent salary as an RN, and I'll be paying her half of what she makes. It's like an extra pay check every month for her and it's well beyond what any child's needs could possibly be. If you spend over 50% of your monthly income on your child there is something wrong!
At this point I can imagine that some people are thinking about calling me names and saying I'm a deadbeat and that sort of thing. That couldn't be farther from the truth, as far as I'm concerned I am 50% responsible for this child. I would gladly take 100% responsibility for this child and not ask anything of the mother. She, however, is demanding that I pay a substantial amount (more than $400,000) for her decisions. This is more than of the cost of raising a child, and I don't know where the extra money goes. Furthermore, she has made visitation virtually impossible. Communication with this woman is nearly pointless and frequently becomes threateningly hostile. I can only imagine what kind of things she is telling my daughter. I wouldn't know because I don't ever get to talk to her.
It just seems that the system is broken and needs to be looked at...it's too easy to abuse from both sides (those paying and those getting paid). From my perspective I don't think that a child's needs go up merely because a parent's income does, if Bill Gates had to pay child support based on his income the mother would be pretty rich the minute the child was born.