Unwed Father Fighting w/ All I have for the 1 that matters most!

by Brad A Dickinson
(Pine Plain, NY Dutchess County U.S.)

My boy and I B4 things wents sour between his mother and I

My boy and I B4 things wents sour between his mother and I

I am a father of a 2yr old boy. I was never married to his mother. I pay $100 a week for my son and only make $300 from unemployment because; I was recently laid off from my well paying job. My case has not gone to court yet. I have a copy of my VAOP and my son birth certificate both with my valid signature, issuing me the right as legal father, in NY State. My sons mother regardless of all I help out with, sending care packages (diapers & gifts), more money the legally necessary and agreeing to fill out any type of paper work she needs from me to her, will not agree to let me see my son.


I'm allowed 5 minutes on the phone w/ him 3 times a week. It has been 3 months now since I have been a part of his life, other than financially or the random hearing of his voice. I have just recently petitioned the courts (Dutchess County) for custody, state set up child support, & right to visitation. My sons mother is an excellent mother to him, but at times she has been a wreck, drug using, even in front of him (crack, heroin, and many other narcotics), stealing from her own family and mine as well, and she stole money from my bank account and denied security camera footage... I don't know what to do! I literally have given my all for my family (inc. my sons mother) She left for "2 weeks" while my brother and his family were in town and, then decided to move back home w/ her parents in Long Isl. NY. She has already has a new boyfriend, that cheated on her earlier in her life.

It's NOT fair, that some other guy should have the right to spend time w/ my son and I can't!!! This infuriates me. Unwedded FATHERS should have the right to be w/ their child regardless of the mother decision... In my case there is nothing right about this circumstance!!! I have tried looking up information on my right to see my son and it seems the only way I will be able to, is by going to court. If you have a similar situation, I would advise you to either get your petition to paternity from your local family court a.s.a.p. or order a copy of your child?s birth certificate w/ VAOP attached online the web site is www.vitalchek.com for about $50 or less. You can save yourself the hassle of the court system for your rights considering yourself the "legal father" of your child. Then proceed the court on every term you can for your child, if you?re the first to make the move on being a part of your child's life it will look better for you in court! I was wondering if anyone had suggestions in the mean time because court can take up to 6 months or more to be finalized, or any way I could be active in my son's life and not just a pay check (without legal problems or complications).

My son is the most important person or thing in my life. Your answers could make a real difference for me and possibly many others! Is there a way to take this to the next level protecting others like myself to NOT have our children ripped from our lives and, get to enjoy raising our children before court or even entirely outside of court!!! Good fathers disserve there children and to be able to influence the upbringing, not have some other person, try to replace you as a father!

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NY state and rights
by: Anonymous

My wife and I seperated when my son was 7. After a failed reconciliation(due to the same problem as before, infidelity on her part) we divorced. I stayed in NY, paying my child support and seeing my son on the weekends. Between her unreasonable demands(with which she basically held my son for randson) the constant threats and the court orders to stay away from her(abuse was never proven in court, the only ploice report was one I made when she lost it one day and started throwing things and hitting me) and the Child support agency, I was driven from the state. I paid my support, and visited my son, and that's when things got interesting. She moved, and left no forwarding address. I contacted the state for the information, and they informed me they couldn't supply me with the address. I pointed out that I had a joint custody order, with my ex having primary custody, and this gave me the right to have the information. The state refused, so I countered with the only wepon I had, I stopped paying. This didn't work out so well, they just suspended my drivers liscence, which cost me my job, but oh well. The years went on, I never managed to find my son. I remarried, had 2 more kids, and always missed my son. I lacked the finacial ability to hire a company to find him.
Then one day the phone rang, my son had tracked me down through the web. Now 19, I hadn't seen him in 10 years and it turned out he was living less than 5 hours from me.
I'm still battling NY state on child support, I have documents to prove that all monies due were paid, yet they keep taking my tax checks.
I have rekindled the relationship with my son, and while we don't see each other often because he travels alot in his job, we have started to develop a good relationship.
I hope you can get your case sorted before you have to go through what I did.
Good luck and keep fighting the fight.

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SAD
by: Navi

Look I admire the fact that you are trying to look for your Baby and trying to see him. Just do whats in your hands to see your baby cause you're right why should another man be able to be with your baby and not you, you which you are his Father. If shes doing drugs in front of your child you really need to do something about that cause you could never know what will happen if she ever has people over that she does that with or even if its by her self she shouldnt be doing that with your baby around!! i just say talk to her tell her about it and you dont think its good for your baby to be around that. If she keeps doing it do something about maybe that baby will ba better off with you then with her.!!! My story is kinda different I wish my baby father would look or call just to see his baby but he doesn't I've never told him he couldn't come see him. I told him that he didn't have to give me money or anything i really dont care about that i just want him to see him.

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Praying for you
by: Anonymous

Brad,

Same situation, different details, same pain. If you can afford a lawyer go that route, otherwise take the time away from your child to develop yourself into the best DAD that you can be, not that you aren't already, but have things that you are active in that show what a good person you are when you go before a Judge. Unfortunatley, in most states, and I would imagine, New York is one, unwed mother's automatically receive all rights and unwed father's receive nothing. They are put at the mercy of the mother and she can do what she wants and make any and all the accusations she wants. Your child is being robbed of a relationship with her biological father and that, to me, is nothings short of criminal. I'll keep you and your child in my prayers. Good luck, stay strong and remember that what you are battling for is so worth the fight!

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Sad...
by: KIm

Brad.. I have no great advice accept to say fight for him with everything you've got! Your son is adorable and very lucky to have a dad that will fight for him.

Good luck and please keep us posted via this blog.

Kim

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I Understand
by: Nick

I just want you to understand I'm feeling what your going through. The only thing that I can say to you - You need to keep her in court file all the necessary paper work. #1 you need to file for legitimate that will help you in your case. You can file these necessary documents for free, you need to get a poverty letter and if you have a computer you can download it for free. I am going through some of the same but my ex is not using drugs I lived in ozone park queens and moved to GA. and that was a mistake because GA. is a women state men have no rights but to pay I have 3 children by my ex the courts ordered me to pay $495 a month which is not bad, the catch is I have not seen my kids in 3 years does the court care Hell no. All Child Support care for is the money they don't care if you are homeless out of work they want the the money. I feel as long as the government is involved our children are doomed. Remember I was raised in New York I am Italian my father was a single parent which that was unheard of in the 70's with that said you can motion the court of your concerns {contempt}what ever it take to voice your concerns laws differ from time to time and cs find laws that work in there favor why these parasite have nothing better to do but go after deadbeat Dads/Moms.
I hope & pray that you can get help for your ex. She needs the help and that's where the courts can help you.

May God bless you on your journey cast your worries upon him amen amen.

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fight back
by: amanda

when is your court date? i dont understand why she wont let you see him...i dont know what else you can do..do you have a lawyer? if not GET ONE!If youhave no money...borrow!
when you get a court date i hope to god that your fight for 50/50 dont let her make you think you can only see your son on the weekends!!!! FIGHT FOR 50/50 JOINT NO PRIMARY!!! FIGHT!

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