Upset

I think more research needs to go into the application for state assistance since after you file for state assistance the child support agency gets involved.

My story...

My ex girlfriend and I broke up and she moved out of the house and did not have a residence for awhile. She then moved into a house where she could not have our daughter overnight. Throughout this time she would see our daughter a few hours a couple days a week. She then left the state for a year and a half. During this time I did not receive any support from her. She came back in August and fought for shared placement and custody and won due to the fact that she had a place to live where she could take our daughter overnight. Before the actual custody case was closed she stated that she could no longer take our daughter overnight due to her "ex-boyfriend" wasn't comfortable with the actions of a child during the times that he is home. She now takes her at most 6 hours a day 4 days a week. Since I work nights she drops our child off to my fiance and she takes care of her till I get home in the morning. She has since filed for assistance and child support is now coming after me for support. I am concerned that since she has no plans on changing her situation that she will receive assistance and support and not see our child since she would use the daycare assistance for the time that she has her now. How can the state ask me to essentially support a dead beat mom?!

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Don't just assume that you'll lose!
by: Anonymous

You must must must get a lawyer, yes even a crummy one should do, but it is in your child's and your own best interest to get a good one. My husband felt the same way and felt the best he could do was to settle. He shouldn't have, he had a moderately capable lawyer and could have easily gotten full custody. We are now paying much more then we can actually afford but she is getting stuff done. Slowly, but surely. ALSO, they may make a temporary ruling in her favor, don't let it make you think you can't win! The best thing we have going for us is the Ex wife thinks she's winning and she is messing up left and right! Don't discount yourself because most women win cases. DOCUMENT EVERYTHING!!!! If you know for sure she took her to daycare document how you know. If she sneezes document it! Even the small things can show a habit or turn into something bigger. Also in most states the child must reside with a parent overnight to be considered a possible custodial parent and to receive child support! DO NOT GO TO A SUPPORT HEARING WITHOUT A LAWYER! My husband did thinking it wasn't a big deal, he was so wrong. His CS tripled! She went through the state and they will go after you regardless of your pay status! They don't care their goal is to get the other person off the states back and will dump them on you if possible. We don't make more then $1800 a month and $378 goes to CS, we have 4 children including my SS, who we have 30% of the time that is supposed to be reflected in the CSO but the state decided not to count that toward us. LAWYER LAWYER LAWYER, it's the only way a judge will hear you. SHE IS NOT ENTITLED TO CHILD SUPPORT WHEN THE CHILD LIVES WITH YOU! Stand up for yourself and don't let anyone intimidate you into anything less then what is in your child's best interest! She should be paying you and this could slap her in the face.

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GET A LAWYER!
by: Amanda, IL

My husband and I married and his son now lives with us....my best advice...get a lawyer. Even if it is a crappy one that isn't very forceful. They can at least help you navigate your way through this mess.

KEEP A WRITTEN LOG......days and times that your daughter is dropped off, picked and returned. How long she stays, her behaviors, questions and discussions with your ex. This will establish with the court that you are 1. diligent to keep this daily record...dates, times and places, VERY IMPORTANT...like a date and time stamp, 2. That your daughter is being cared for by you and your fiance at about 50% of the time, from what I read of your article.

If your fiance is only being represented by the state for a child support order, you can go to court, establish 50% of your daughter's care, before the state does, and establish your daughters residential custody. Kinda like killing two birds with one stone. I do not know the age of your daughter, but the earlier, the better. How is your ex going to explain to the judge that she does not approve of her BF's actions and your daughter cannot reside with her while your daughter is with her at night? You can prove your stability and ability to provide for her care, etc. AND not have to cut her mother out of her life. Not quite a win, win, but as close as you can get with a situation such as this.

I wish you the best of luck!

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just getting in front of a lawyer wont help
by: Anonymous

Just getting in front of a lawyer want help. You will probably lose. Men in this country are being abused by the system. You need to apply for custody or try and get the mother to give custody. You also need to not have any checking or saving accounts . No 401k accounts. No assets. Because if you do they will come after them. If your ex want give you custody appeal to her greed. Say she will not have to worry about her boyfriend if she gives custody and that she can see the child just dont say when and where. Dont be available for baby sitting for a while that will put the pressure. I have been their and done that . Good luck

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YEAP
by: Anonymous

In order not to get screwed you need to go to court and get percentage of custody of child so you have say in what's best for the child,the more custody you have the better opputinity you have in keeping your child safe will never get full custody until 12 if child wants to be with you but with 51/49 you have rights and when things are aray or she's endangering your child you document evrything every time she not there on her time you document then find somewhat inexpensive lawyer and pray the judge isn't an ass unfornatly they side with the mom alot more than the dad's but it's possible i have 49/50 and if she fouls up she knows damn well she's in violation of agreement in court papers and you can fight that definetly it's worth it

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Get in front of a judge
by: Anonymous

I am not a lawyer but - Sounds like you need to legally file for physical custody or shared custody. Shared custody, however, only works when the child has two responsible parents. At this time, it sounds like the mother's life isn't stable and shared custody may be problematic. Most likely, a judge will evidence to help determine which of you provides the most stability for this child and make a decision about physical custody.

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