Very screwed father

by Tom
(Port Orchard Washington USA)

My story is quite messed up. I live in Kitsap county in Washington state. I have been dealing with child support and a very vindictive mother who has cause me many many nights of no sleep and a ton of stress. So here goes my story.


June 19,2011, I was dropping off my child to her mother in a vacant parking lot. She immediately started in on me, threatening me about taking me to court and sue me to pay for dance classes for our child. I reminded her that the judge told her exactly where to go on that situation. So she continued threatening me and calling me names in front of my child. The mother to my child has been ordered many many many times by the kitsap superior court judge to not do this in front of my child. So, i turned around and told her to knock it off and that our child is way more mature than she is. She is still threatening me at this point trying to make me look like a bad father to my child. The mother of my child gets mad at me because i will not put any extra money over to help her raise our child. Right Now she is getting $353 a month from me, plus medical, plus dental, plus vision. She was getting daycare up until my child turned 12 this year. I have to continuosly remind her that every time i buy her clothes, buy her stuff she needs. Every stick of clothes and jackets and shoes wind up in a consignment store within 2 days of the stuff going to their home. So, i stopped buying extra stuff. Anyways, i was mad and called her one dirty name. An hour later, Her son (no relation to me) comes to my home, beats on my door to the point he was going to break it. Then when i answered the door, he threatens my life because i called his mom a "bitch". Since then, I have not had any communications with my child. My weekend visitations and holiday was this 4th of july weekend. The mother to my child refused to answer my messages. I text my child and i get 3 texts out of her and they all point to her mother is refusing to let me have my visitations. Now, every time the mother to my child does something wrong and gets caught. She cuts off all communications and interfers severely with my time and my relationship with my child.

We have been to court 15 times in 12 years. The courts here treat me as if i am a deadbeat and an outcast. The judges do not listen to all of the statements before they make their rulings. The mother to my child has been hit with contempt of court in our last court case. The courts gave her a $100 fine per contempt and the contempts are purged from her record when she pays the fines. My crumby lawyer told me it takes 3 contempts to get custody of my child. Now i am back to trying to bust her in court.

I am so tired of fighting with her all the time. I am tired of being threatened every time i turn around. I am doing as i am ordered by the courts. The more i do research on stopping child support and getting a woman who is extremely dangerous out of my life. The more i find that i am severely screwed by the courts here. I am in a no win situation. I can not afford to pay a lawyer to go after her again. I am having a hell of a time getting to see my child.

Like i said before. This is an ongoing problem and the lawyers and the courts do not want to do anything about it. So, i am stuck in between a rock and a hard place.

The courts say that we are not to talk about any of this to the child. You know, the courts need to look at that again. My child has the right to know how dangerous her mother is. But the courts restrict me from telling my child anything about her mother.

So now i have to go get a loan to pay my over priced lawyer to take the mother of my child back to court. It has taken me 13 years to put $2000 in the bank and the lawyer takes $1800. When i ask for help from washington state. They just raise my payments.

I have every court order in a binder so I can look at the orders. I have followed every order that was every given. What happens to me? I get threatened by the state of washington to force me into a better paying job. I get threatened by the mother of my child and I live under the threat from washington state to lose my commercial drivers license, my fishing license and go to jail.

What is a guy suppose to do? I am honest and I get screwed. She does not follow the orders. What happens to her? She gets her hand slapped and gets to keep custody. The courts here in kitsap county are extremely unfair and very one sided. If you every hear of any man who has been screwed by the courts here. You will hear him call this county "kidnap" county. That is the only way to get to see your child.



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Miss my kids
by: Another screwed father

Sorry about everyone's problems. Yeah, all of this sucks. I live in Iowa, and my two boys' mom (one of them biological, the other not, but I raised him for four years and loved him as my own, in fact was told by his mother when she was pregnant that he WAS mine until I figured out otherwise...and still love him with all my heart) has a new house in Wisconsin now. I've been trying to find a lawyer, but I have very little money, and Iowa Legal Aid won't help me. I was also told by a lawyer who was good enough to speak with me over the phone that if she moved out of state, I would have little to zero chance of any legal action. I suppose I'll have to move to Wisconsin, but, right now, that is not feasible for work and monetary reasons. Add to that she is VERY mentally disturbed, and I would love to have some kind of visitation with them but am afraid, because she said she might do this, she might call the police after letting me have them for a weekend and telling them I kidnapped them. I miss my children, and there's A LOT more to this, but, yeah, on the men's side here, screwed we are.

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Best interest of Women ONLY
by: Anonymous

To be honest, you will never win and most likely your chances of ever seeing your children will decrease to never.

Judges have no balls and do not care about family values, the best interest of the child or fathers.

Simply put, if you are female, you can break every law and never get punished. If you are male, and abide by every law and follow every procedure of the court, you will still lose.

My ex-wife kidnapped our child and hid the child for four years. She never allowed me to ever have any contact with our child and even went against several orders forbidding her from taking the child, yet she never got punished. The court praised her actions by allowing her to keep the child and dropped all contempt charges against her.

She now won jurisdiction simply by kidnapping and hiding the child in another state long enough to prove the child has been in another state and jurisdiction was turned over to that state.

Now she wants the court to praise her for her many violations by awarding her child support for terminating the father child relationship as well as demanding that I must pay child support and telling the courts that she wants the courts to refuse all of my parenting rights also.

To top it off, her boyfriend boasted to the judge that he is a child molester and pedophile and was having sex with the child in the bed as well as bragging that I am the fourth father that he has destroyed the family and taken away all of the assets.

I am convinced that honest fathers get punished to the fullest extent of the law and criminals get all of their request allowed by the judges with no balls, no concern for family values and no interest in the best interest of the children.

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Your Fucked like me
by: Bruce F

Dude I feel your pain but times that by 3 because thats how many girls I have with my ex. I just went to court today and had my girls who by the way want to live with me they say all the time and infront of there mother. She hates it naturally but it is what it is. I had my girls with me for the past 2 1/2 years in my care only the past 6 months has she had them living with her. So she tells me she is moving to wyoming from utah were i live with her new husband. So i go to court today and tell my case to the judge who naturally should agree with me that they should stay. But being a father in utah I just got fucked in the ass by him. My kids are taken away the ex smiles with fake fucking tears. and im left with hardly seeing my kids and a 700 hundrend dollar bill a month for my child support. To that caniving little cunt.

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yeah, women have it rough...not
by: Anonymous

I pay 1200 for 2 children, 1000 maintenance to a now employed spouse who has had a domestic partner since the day the divorce finalized. The job came a week later. I pay ALL healthcare premiums, she has no requirement to contribute at all. Then there's daycare at ~400 month, 70 percent of overage for medical and uncovered medical, 70% of dental, vision, and educational expenses, plus 70 % of additional household expenses. She hid a 19.10 dollar an hour income, failed to report 3 brokerage, life insurance, 2 checking and god knows what else she stashed away while we were married, got herself imputed at below minimum wage and despite complete documentation provided by me twice, her incomplete docs were accepted showeing no maintenace paid (20k) ignored federal & state tax, etc. did not account for 401K contribs I'd been making. When her maintenance goes away, my cut gets raised to 83%. The judge did not require me to sign when the divorce finalized because I had issues with the documents and they agreed to fix them and changed one number then submitted them as final. He said I had significant recourse when in final signing I brought up these issues, but I can't find a single lawyer willing to take on the case ... they all say, "you rose your hand and swore, I don't care if he did not make you sign the finals." So of a $55 an hour salary, I am taking home about $11 before taxes. This whole process destroyed my ability to cope. It only took 11 months from when she broke two teeth out of my head and blew my ear drum (30% hearing loss) for me to run out of breathing room with my employer because of lates related to slepless nights, and being screamed at over work phones, threatened with contempt for every thing I said or even didn't say but she thinks I might have to the kids. So now I sit scared shitless on my 3rd day out of work with ~4000 a month due to this woman and my children. So while she feeds steak to her unemployed boyfriend for th 8th month in a row, I break out the ramen noodles and butter for two meals a day. While she goes out and sings in a job that she is not declaring the income for, I sit at home with the heat at 50 degrees. The car she left me with blew up 10 days after the papers went final. While she rubbed ankles with her new man by the pool ALL summer long, she neglected to mention him and told my kids I didn't need to know about him, I was working 60 to 80 hour salaried weeks just to try and keep the job I had, which the other day I lost to virtual insanity. The weekends the kids are with her, she pawns them off to gramma and gets on a plane and jumps to California for who knows what. I bought over 800 dollars in clothes for them at my house. They wind up wearing them back to her place and I get the small ripped last season clothes and then chastised when they show up unmatched and tattered. I could go on, but I'd rather kill myself than rehash every little detail of this nightmare one more time!

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sorry i feel you
by: california

my wife is a bitch flat out shes a illegal immigrant who i married not really thinking she would try to play me ,in the begining everything was cool and then all of a sudden she changed up we have a 1 year old and im actually still married to her shes in the other room lol but we are going to get a divorce shes just a vindictive cunt who wanted her green card and then when her papers went throught she changed face and started acting funny having her parents and family try to grab the kid and call him mine kinda like they knew what they had planned and she trys to fuck me outta the tax returns telling me she made hella money and being married and have a kid doesnt have any affect on the taxes and that its not mine and just is always verbaly abusive and ive been scared to leave her just for the fact that she is gonna try to take my kid from me i love my kid to death and have always tooken care of him feeding him changing him and i dont understand why this shits is like this females play guys cuz they get mad and in the end its the kid that will suffer , if they dont plan on being with that person dont eve think of having a kid stupid women make me sick and i have no sympothy for any girls like her or anything personally i think they should have a first class trip to hell asap wehter weeks or months doenst matter but sooner the better and this is just hypethetically ,i fill that strongly about it and i love my kid that much i dont care what the fuck the governemnt has to say but i garaunteed she aint gonna keep my kid from me me against the world tupac stated it clear vidictive women are manipulative and the lawas help them its fucken crazy

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Children are not car payments or weapons
by: Anonymous

No offense, but all I ever hear fathers complaining about is that they pay child support and how much they pay. Your children are people not car payments. Men are too often using making child support on-time as a factor that makes them a good father. Define what makes you a good father? When you have your child do you make every effort to dedicate all that time? I feel your pain if you do all though I am a mother. Women use child support as a weapon against a man out of bitterness and just plain evil. I am no such mother. My ex is sueing me for visitation rights that he already has even though he has never taken care of our dtr. As she has gotten older he has been exposing her to sexplicit acts (auditory) between him and his girlfriend. Our dtr now 12 knows what a dildo is and when he has her he doesn't spend any quality time with her and is now claiming that he needs to bond with his child during this most important part of her life. These deadbeat dads and lunatic baby mommas need to be stopped they make things really hard on their kids. My ex cannot buy clothes and shoes for his dtr but he can pay a lawyer to waste time and put me out a $1000 for a lawyer. The law is for everyone. What is being done to me is what you need to do. File a petition for paternity and plead your case there only if you are a good father cause earlier you were gripping about getting off child support. your kid needs that money to live and that is the way it should be seen.

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very screwed father
by: Anonymous

my husband is going through the same thing his ex wont allow him to see his daughter every two years she takes us back to court for more child support and wins everytime. my husband and i live in california and are now trying to move to kitsap county so he can start going to court for visitation he paid off 15000 dollars in back child support in three years and his ex still wont let him see his daughter. the sad thing is his daughter will be 7 this year and she has already had 5 differant dads that we know of. not to mention she just took us back to court again last month for more money cause she cheated on her husband and he found out about it and also found out that his 7 month old son wasnt his and she doesnt know who the father is so since she volintarily quite her job and doesnt have any money coming in for her second child they raised my husbands another 200 dollars a month and now he has to have health care for her as well which his health care through his work is 800 dollars amonth on top of paying 600 a month for his child support.

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My Husband is SCREWED over too
by: Anonymous

My husband was previously married and had a child and the mother of the child cheated on him and the man testified to it in cort and all that did was give him joint custody. After a defcs case was filed on her for giving my 3 yr old stepdaughter alcohol.. they said that the girl who was supposed to be her best friend of 18 years just made the accusations out of anger. We had to go to court tewo more times to get custody (after we proved she was marriend to two men at the same time) but the courts will not make her pay child support!!! She raises he boyfriends child and buys him whatever he wants but REFUSES to buy ANYTHING for my stepdaughter. I am so tired of her manipulating and trying to ignore the agreement. The lawyers say that there is no way to get child support from her because she does not owe us enough money yet... but we were forced to pay child support to her when we only had her 51% of the time. Dads get screwed by the courts and its disgusting!

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Feel Your Pain
by: Anonymous

I can understand and agree with everyone you say about the court system. I have definitely found it to be totally biased in favor of mother and very little is done if she doesn't abide by court rulings. It's all about the fathers child support payments. I have no money left after paying lawyers for over 3 years and 12,000 dollars in court fees and all she did was stall and stall . All I wanted was to see my son and to do what's best for him. I paid child support no problem but the court in CT didn't give care if I had visitations or not. It is simply the worst experience of my life. Because my son doesn't even know me and it kills me inside. She won't share or alternate any holidays. Anyone in this situation should realize it's not always a bad man sometimes woman are simply vindictive.

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vindictive ex laws need to be changed!!!!
by: Anonymous

i completely understand what your saying my husband is going threw the same thing his ex works as an independent contractor for the Dr.Phil show and between her and her husband make good money and she continues to take us to court for more child support. and the judge doesnt care to hear about her income cause she is on aid and is not reporting her job. the kids would come to our house crying how she would abuse them and when we went to court she denied everything and the judge believed her. As soon as my husband went out of town she filed an ex parte the next day which was impossible for my husband to be back and she filed for full custody and won cus my husband couldnt make it to court.it sickens me that women can get away with so much i am a female but i am all for fathers who get screwed by the ex wives. Now her husband is in prison for violating his probation and yet she is pissed at us and starting up again this has been going on for 10 years. I agree that every man or woman should get together file some kind of petition or something to stop judges from siding with psycho abusive money hungry miserable ex's.

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A Woman raising 4 children on 60 a month
by: Anonymous

In 2000 I left the father of my 4 children. He worked making 16.48 an hour. He wanted to pay me 75 a week for 4 children at the time I agreed to it. I was unemployed at the time so I thought that was good. We went to court because he was making up some lies on me so he wouldn't have to pay that he was trying to get my children taken away from me. When we went to court the judge seen right through the lies and told me that he would give me a lot more that what he was already paying me. The judge ordered him to pay me 198.67 per week. He voluntarily quit his job that he had been working for 7 years so he would not have to pay me child support. He tried to get the child support lowered and they wouldn't do it because he voluntarily quit his job. I moved to the next town over and the judge there dropped his support from 198.67 a week to 60.00 a month for 4 children. He didn't pay a dime for 4 years later. That was only due to me going to testify before grand jury. I know a lot of men think that they have it rough you just don't realize the women left raising your children may have it worse than you do.

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Very screwed father.
by: Anonymous

If she is denying your parenting time that she agreed to, go to her house with the cops. They can make her allow you to see your daughter. Just make sure you have the parenting time agreement with you.

I am in Oregon, and my husband has a very vindictive ex-spouse. Oregon is the same. No justice for the Father's. It is documented by the doctor who evaluated them for custody in the first place. She had their van repossessed due to non-payment, and then we ended up having to pay $5k between the van and attorney fees. We sued her, she didn't show up for court, she owes us the $5k and $500 a month until she pays us. Which she hasn't. Now, she is trying to discharge this in a bankruptcy. AND she is trying to get more child support from him. Which, I guess even though our attorney said she couldn't include my income with child support, the state says they can include it(what??). And she has two masters degrees and took a mediocre job so that my husband would end up having to pay more child support. Where is the justice in this? This is insane to me. I was a single Mom for 15 yrs. I would never think of doing anything like this. She never likes to take responsibility for her own actions and is trying to make us pay all her bills. The reason she is filing bankruptcy is because of mismanagement of her funds. That and she didn't pay taxes on the spousal support my husband paid to her. Now it seems she wants us to pay her taxes by raising child support. GRRR I can't stand this woman!

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wish
by: former single mom

I wish my daughters bio dad took an interest in her life. when we split....I was the one trying to force him to spend time with her. Good luck to everyone on here and don't give up. Hopefully one day the media will get involved.

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Another Screwed Dad
by: Anonymous

I have been dealing with the same issue in this county as well. The judges do not listen to the dad at all and then they pull out some un-godly amount out for child support. I have 3 children that I pay child support on from a previous relationship and my new ex took me to court for child support for a child that I never was told I had till he was almost 2 years old.She kept the pregnancy a secret until just recently when I got the court papers. Well, the judge granted her 2 years back support and daycare costs, medical, etc. This kid is 2 years old and gets more than any of my other kids!!! I am on L & I due to a serious work injury and the judge said I was willfully under-employed. I was floored, yet she works a minimum wage job and is on walfare the court documents say. I am a stand up father and support my kids, but find it very unfair that women are allowed to do this to a man and get away with it.Please dont get me wrong, not all women are like this. I am now in the process of a modification to have the payments lowered retroactive back to day 1 since I have been on L & I since 2009 with an injury. The courts based it on what I should be making prior to my injury, which isnt fair considering the circumstances. Any ideas??? Thanks

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Rite next to you
by: Mguz

Sorry buddy......going through same thing.....I have over 80 police reports a no stalking order on x...and over 100 days of visitation taken from me.....she has lied over and over in court in front of judge and gets away with it. I have tons on harassing emails and notes left on our car from my x and her two companions. I'm remarried and she the x cannot moveon with her life and is out to destroy mine.....starting by keeping and brainwashing my kids.....I have not seen my oldest since nov 10 thanksgiving. These courts suck for fathers and we do not have any rights at all. I could keep going on and on but I'm limited here in type. We need to all band together and get these laws changed and the system remapped so that we have a fighting chance. Oh but they sure like our GREEN money......sad but that's what it takes to get justice or off on a major felony rap....money.....did not see that in our constitutional rights or the bill of rights....the day will come and change will come one day. Keep cross hairs up.

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You're Not Alone
by: Anonymous

Your not alone, my husband is going through the same thing.

No state can make you get a "better or higher paying job", so don't let that bother you.

Best option, do this "per se" alone on your own, or contact your local legal aid if you don't qualify they may be able to provide you to resources to can.

My husband had an attorney and honestly--it didnt matter in his divorce, since he's been on his own and gone to court with the "bare min" paperwork and stuff it's been in his favor.

It did take a long time to get to this point but there is hope just stay strong. If your divorce addresses mental health of the child you can petition the court to revisit the parenting agreement and ask for counseling for you and your daughter becuase you've been "absent" take the responsiblity for it and the courts will grant it (more than they would if it was the blame game) also, just keep filing contempt charges.. they'll catch up to her.

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so sorry
by: former single mom

im sorry to hear your situation. you say your daughter is 12. she is old enough to testify in court. and she is old enough to testify which she wants ti live with. you should (next time you get to see her) take her to see a counsellor or cps to see if she will tell them about the things her mom does. I know lawyers are expensive but if you pay for a well known cut throat lawyer that the courts a familiar with it will help you immensely I promise. good luck.

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