Watch What You Say

by Heather
(The Moon)

Hey everyone! I have not been to this site in quite some time and I am actually trying to figure out how to delete my original posting that I made here years ago, it seems. I just wanted to say to all the mothers out there struggling, I understand! I also want to say, be careful what you post here.

First, I fear that what is posted cannot be deleted (at least I have not figured out how to delete my posting). Second, while you would hope that most moms here are here to get advice, seek support from other mothers going through the same things etc. you are going to find that a multitude of the people who come here will a)judge you if you were not married when you had your child b)judge the number of children that you have (as if they really know what is going on inside your home) and c)they are just plain ignorant in many of the things that they say.

If you too have experienced this, I am sorry because all it does it make you depressed and angry that you have to defend not only your "life choices" as one poster named Donna so eloquently pointed out to me but you have to deal with people passing judgement about something that is based mostly on assumptions.

I was told that I should have just given my children up for adoption so that they could have a "normal" family. WOW! Where do I begin? What exactly is normal these days? As I said in a response, sure I have had some struggles. There have been times when I was going to school instead of working (one of those horrible "life choices" of mine ya know)and I have had my share of ups and downs in life over all, just like every other human being.

What the posters who belittled me like I was an animal failed to know is that I have wonderful children who have had a "normal" family. Just because their biological father was not there does not mean that they do not have a "dad". Second, they are well behaved unlike many of the children that come from whatever is considered a "normal" family. Straight A's, athletes, well spoken, receive honorary awards, AND they volunteer in the community to help others less fortunate or not considered the "normal" of society.

I am sitting here right now thinking about how people have judged me based on several paragraphs and what they failed to realize is that no matter what happened, no matter what they think about me having the children I have and no matter what ups and downs I faced...I WAS ALWAYS A RESPONSIBLE MOM! I have always provided with or without the support from the other father, I have made sure that they have had every opportunity and all of their needs met. And finally, the most important thing is that my children have known so much snuggling and hugs and love!!!!!!!

In the end, I get what child support that I get and it helps but the bottom line is that whether or not I were rich or poor, married or unmarried, white/black or purple children deserve to receive financial support from both of the parents that created them no matter what the circumstances were. Period! I have the children that I have and no matter what anyone says, they belong with me and not some "normal adoptive family" and believe me, whether people agree with my "life choices" or not, the best choices I ever made were to give life to my beautiful children because I see before me the most wonderful people that I know and I LOVE THEM!

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