What is a Father to do....?

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What is a Father to do....?

by PCK
(NC)

My son's mother and I separated about five years ago...It was bitter....So bitter that I had to seek primary joint custody for my son in 2007 through mediation... the drama has not let up...Our parenting agreement states our son (who is now 7)is to be in the primary care of his father for the duration of the school year with visitation to mom every other weekend.

Holidays can be worked out mutually as parents see fit.... The role reverses during the summer months. The agreement allows us to mutually agree to terms not listed in the agreement but when a conflict arises then the agreement is considered binding. We lived in different city's at that time...about 1 hour apart.

At the beginning of this 2009-2010 school year I had on the job training which required me to travel and I asked my son's mother if he could live with her for the 1st semester until my training concluded at the beginning of the 2010 year. She agreed. I explained that the assignment was temporary and he can move back with me at the beginning of this year. She appeared as if she was going to comply. I have since relocated, now married, to my wife's residence which is located with in the same city as my son's mother's residence. She refused to return him because according to her he is adjusted to the school he is attending...Well I went to visit his teacher and discovered the exact opposite... My son has accumulated a month or more of tardy's on his attendance sheet...because his mother woke up late, or had car troubles.... His reading level diminished since he has been at that school... I asked his mom about these things and she states she needed time to adjust to having him and she had to get use to waking up early etc... So I explained he needed to live with me come next school year... she responded that we can go blow for blow and she didn't understand why he needed to live with me when we live in the same city... She said he wasn't coming to live with me and he was staying with her... What should I do... Of course the order works in my favor but this girl likes creating drama and I don't want to go down this road again... any advice on how to smooth this thing over with an ignorant woman?..

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What is a Father to do....?

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Apr 21, 2010
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Ignorant or a mother who loves her child?
by: Elaina

I know it can be difficult and frustrating, but you need to try and be careful with name calling. It is unlikely you would have married and had a child with an ignorant woman.

That said, I applaud you for giving this some thought before making demands or yanking your child back to your physical custody. I wouldn't wait too long, however. Some states will look at the amount of time (usually six months) that the child has been with the non-custodial parent (possession) and will make a judgment allowing them to stay.

It sounds like you would like to work this out with your ex-wife. The best way to do that is to seek out a family counselor or legal mediator. When you propose this to your ex-wife, be sure to do so in a non-threatening way (while letting her know that it is your intent to seek non-legal remedy for this situation).

Now that you live in the same city, you may want to think about shared custody of your 7-year old. Again, family therapy may be something to consider if/when there is shared custody--it takes great commitment from both parents to make this work and bi-weekly therapy can help to keep problems/issues at bay.

Best of luck to you!

P.S. My son was taken across state lines by his father as a punishment for grades dropping below 3.2 GPA--moving him from New Mexico to Texas where he believed (and was right) that laws were more in his favor. His father had physical custody but we shared Joint Legal Custody (originally filed in Massachusetts where a parent can not unilaterally make cross-state moves without consenting the other parent). It was a three-state court battle at this point and the court determined a very close call with the time (weeks short of six months in my testimony and just six months in my son's father's). The TX judge ruled for my son's father--basically ignoring my son's formal Preference of Child asking the court to release him to my custody.

Apr 21, 2010
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It Don't Get Better
by: Anonymous

File an emergency motion, have your legal documents of full custody of your child available. My son has had to carry his paperwork from the courts with him and call police, when the mother of the child refuses to answer the door and release the children for visitation. I hate to tell you this it never gets better, the women are so bitter that things only get worse, they don't want to compromise they just think the father has a whole lot of money for lawyers etc. That is money that can be used on the children if only both parties would get along in the best interest of the children. Keep a log with date and time of anything that goes on that has to do with your child.

Apr 21, 2010
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WAKE UP!
by: Anonymous

umm..why are you being a pansy? GO GET YOUR SON!Pick him up from school or something. The parenting plan says he stays with you. If you are letting him stay with her then your saying its OK for her to have primary. Just go pick him up! Dont think about yourself and "drama" think about your son...hes not doing good there!

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What is a Father to do....?

Comments for What is a Father to do....?

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What is a Father to do....?