What is the real truth and why are you crying

What is the real truth and why are you crying

by Ruiz
(ny)

Yes, I am an angry woman. Some will say that I am scorned but what is the real story? I married a seemingly good and kind man who wanted children. He left his first wife because she was unable to give him children. I came to love him and had an operation to give him a child and ended up giving him two. Through years of alcoholism and cocaine habits (that I was unaware of) I became embittered and angry because no matter how much I did the right thing, he did not. He has dishonored the home, kids, and me. He taught the kids to disrespect me by openly disrespecting me. I packed up his belongings and made him leave. When I told him to take his son that was verbally abusing me and disregarding the house rules, he called the cops on me, in reality, he does not want the responsibility. He pays what he wants, when he wants, if he wants.

He is known as a man in the community that is a little league coach. Wants to be viewed as a hero to all his friends and neighbors, though he doesn't care what his wife or kids think of him. He says he does not want the pressure that is included in keeping our home so he runs and creates a new one with an unsuspecting new victim telling her that I am a nag and demanding too much. (The exact names he uses for me are not nice so I won't include them)

You men think that after you walk away leaving hearts and homes broken, you have no obligations. You call us money hungry, and bitches you leave us with all the bills we cannot afford and responsibilities we did not ask for and you criticize us.

BEFORE YOU DECIDE TO MAKE A FAMILY, THINK! IS THIS WHAT YOU REALLY WANT! ARE YOU WILLING TO SACRIFICE FOR IT! ARE YOU WILLING TO LEAVE YOUR SELFISH WAYS IN THE PAST AND MAKE YOUR FAMILY AND HOME YOUR PRIORITY? IF NOT, DON'T MAKE ONE BECAUSE IF YOU DO, THEN STOP COMPLAINING WHEN YOU HAVE TO PAY CHILD SUPPORT, AND STOP LEAVING THE JOBS JUST TO SPITE THE WIVES SAYING NOW SHE CAN'T GET ANYTHING FROM YOU. AND STOP THINKING IT'S OK TO GIVE THE MINIMUM SO YOUR QUALITY OF LIFE CAN CONTINUE EVEN THOUGH THOSE YOU LEFT BEHIND HAVE TO SACRIFICE AND STRUGGLE.

Thank you for the opportunity to vent and speak truth for the sake of many of us women...

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What is the real truth and why are you crying

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Oct 04, 2008
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he has a probem
by: Anonymous

A sickness..Cocaine is very addictive drug. It has permanent affects on the brain that takes a lot of patients and understanding to deal with.. You probably would have been better off to stay with him and get him turned in the right direction.. Because now, you still need him turned in the right direction, but you have no power to do so... He is out of your reach and heading down a bad road.... If pushed to far, he may become an even worse person, making a bad role model for all children involved, and making your life even harder down the road..

Sep 16, 2008
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Dead beat dads???
by: Anonymous

I agree that father's need to pay their appropriate child support. If you don't use protection, then pay the price. But the women also need to take responsibility when deciding to get pregnant and make an attempt to earn enough to support their children... else use birth control. Now for the married folks out there... same is true. Say you are happily married to Mr. Right. Mr. Right could become incapacitated or die in the future. All women need to be able to stand on their own two feet and not solely depend on their partners to support them. We all need to take responsibility and not bring children into this world if we can't support them.

Sep 14, 2008
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Sorry but it is not all of us.
by: Gary

I can understand your fustration with your Ex husband and if he is doing these things he is a sad indvidual.

I am fighting for the chance to be a father to my son and when I hear stories like this it makes me upset.

I hope he comes around soon and sees the error of his ways.

Some of us really want to be fathers and I think sometimes non custodial parents get a bad wrap because of Guys like your ex husband. I am trying to start a group that fights for non custodial parents rights to be parents and not just extra income.

You have evey right to be bitter but please don't accuse all of us of be whiners some of us are really good men doing the right thing.

Gary

Sep 02, 2008
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WHY?
by: Anonymous

I am sorry you have had such a sad story, but the problem is that the bad overrides the good. My husband has a daughter from his previous marriage and THE WOMAN cheated on him every time she got a chance and takes advantage of any help anyone will give her.She has not worked one day in her life and has 3 children by 3 different men AND MY husband is the bad guy according to the state!
Not all men who have children are bad and I hate that they get labeled that way. What about the women who take advantage and cause the divorce and yet they are still able to get pitty and walk away with everything they want? I know there are dead beat dads out there and I am as much a hater of them as anyone else, but what about the guys who truely have done nothing wrong and they pay child support all of the time with out any problems...why can't anyone look at them and give them a break?
I am sorry you got stuck with on of the crap ones..

Aug 20, 2008
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maybe someone can help me
by: bobbi

Here's my story. I have a son by a man with three kids before that and another since. Child support was set at 214 a month by a judge. He has been slightly delinquent since Nov 2007, but was still making monthly payments, just smaller than they were suppossed to be. In May of 2008 I received 31$. And nothing since. In June I called the local child support office and was told that they were switching over to the DA's office and were not pursuing any cases until after the 1st of July, so in the 2nd week of july I called back. They said they would contact him to come in in August. So I called last monday and they tell me that the case has been temporairly suspended because he is incapcitated. They tell me that he is on state assistance and they cannot garnish those wages. So I ask the lady if that means that because he's on welfare, he doesnt have to take care of his kid? and what can I do about this. She told me point blank that there was nothing I could do until the state assistance ran out and then they could pursue it. I personally think Im being yanked around. So if you have any advice, please email me at piclady123@yahoo.com. thank you in advance

Aug 04, 2008
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CALLING ALL MOTHERS TO THE BATTLE
by: Anonymous

I am so very sorry for what you have gone through. Many years ago, someone left her children with their father in the name of self preservation and sanity. He was abusive, both physically and mentally, but only to her, not the kids. He too was from the church and supposedly a holy man. (not speaking ill of those who truly love and serve God). He too spoke ill of her and her reputation telling everyone she ran off with a man when he knew she went to live with her mother. You are right in that he will one day stand before his maker just as we all will.
How can we teach our daughters about the hidden truths that they will sadly learn the hard way. The only way I can think of is that we, as mothers, must learn to teach our sons to be good future husbands/fathers. It falls in our hands as mothers to stop this abuse. We cannot teach our sons that we will put up with the abuse. And we must teach our sons to see beyond the lust into the other person's heart...

Aug 04, 2008
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What are you crying for?
by: Disabled Mom

Some of this story sounds just like mine. My ex's treatment was much the same. He was taught by his father that it was his right to both control and abuse me in the name of Jesus. While my ex never used drugs or alcohol, he was still physically and emotional abusive and poisoned our son against me: I've not seen my son in 20 years because of the lies he told our son, the court, his parents, the attornys, our pastor, our church and community. Because he could cry highly convincing crocodile tears on cue he had everyone convinced I was the unfit, promiscuous parent (which I was most assuredly not), not him. I had no choice but to leave. I pray over this every night. He also physically abused our son whom now hates me for leaving me alone with his father. I told my son to call someone and tell them. He refused based on the fearing another beating. I left to stay alive. My son is now a drug user and alcoholic to deal with his father and he still blames me 20 years later. My ex lied so well that he now leads a church group called "healing hearts" based on the lies he told the group leader about me. He was and is the height of hypocrisy, and will answer for it to God.

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What is the real truth and why are you crying

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What is the real truth and why are you crying