Where Do You Turn When they All Say "No," or, Dealing With a Psycho Ex
by TD
(MN)
Okay, I am sick of seeing my husband and step-son suffer at the hands of a bitter, resentful ex. (Oh my, this may get a little confusing BUT- here we go.)
My husband and his ex divorced in Bay County, FL in August 2003. She had an attorney, he did not- as she spent all of his money on her attorney, and he trusted after 8 years of marriage to this crazy lady that she would not sink so low as to ream him on support and visitation. (Stupid, I know- and he knows this now!) They resided in the same city, my husband moved out and she had the house. My husband was active duty military at the time, and she decided to move back to her mother's house in Ohio.
My husband moved back into the (empty) house, paying her $1800/month for support (800 support, 1000 alimony) and the visitation schedule was for every other weekend, rotating holidays, and two weeks per summer after June 15th. He got raked over the coals, I guess you could say. He never missed a payment (military wouldn't let anyone if they tried!), yet his visitation was royally screwed when she moved to OH. He always bore the burden of travel and hotels and trying to accrue enough leave to go up to OH. She never called, hasn't to this day as a matter of fact, so his son could talk to him... even though he has sent phone cards (she says they are just too difficult to use, although he paid for her engineering degree with the alimony/child support after their divorce!) He always has to call his son (who is now 6- yes, she cheated on him and then had their kid, and they just couldn't work things out) The kicker is this: he/we have been trying to hire an attorney for 4 years now, and no matter where we go, they say it's not in their jurisdiction! What the heck!?
Of course we no longer live in Florida, now in Minnesota (he went out of active duty and into a DOD job last year), she is still in Ohio, the child support is now being enforced through Ohio because she persued it there (and they will not co-operate with Florida, so Florida is saying he has a $90,000 + debt although he is completely caught up, just via OH... but Ohio child support whoevertheyare refuses to tell Florida! ) yet the divorce/visitation/support orders were made in Florida. We have tried attorneys in all these states, and they all say "no, you should petition in insert other state here" We want to do something, but we have no idea where to start!!! We have been saving for an attorney, and it is so frustrating... she has kept us broke for so long, yet we still save and save just for a weekend in stupid Ohio when it is CONVENIENT FOR HER.
He is trying to get his son for the week of the fourth of July, (it's after June 15th!) But now she's trying to say she scheduled that week off, so he can't get him. What do we do? She is a bitter, bitter person, and sadly lives to make his life hell. (This has been since he met and married me- she throws out any gifts to his son that have my name and his siblings' names on them)
Please. Any tips or advice would be great, as I am so tired of seeing my husband lose his mind over this. All he wants is to see his son.
Edit: I do not believe I made it clear as to why I used the terms "psycho" and "crazy" when referring to his ex. He always told me how she would try to punch him in the face during arguments, smash his guitars, called him horrible names all the time, never EVER cleaned the house (although she had no job or kids at the time), and flirted with and physically met with people she met online. I thought the things he told me about her might be a bit exaggerated, but over the past four years, I have actually seen this type of behavior on her part with my own eyes. For example: I was sitting with him when he called to schedule a time to get his son for a weekend visit while we were in Ohio, and she started in on a payment being late (he had just been stationed in TX from FL, and his payments were coming out of his paycheck.
The move caused her payment that month to be a whopping two weeks late), then went off yelling in his ear about how he didn't care about her or her son, yadda yadda yadda, and he's trying to do damage control the whole time she is screaming. She then put his then three year-old son on the phone and made him tell his dadday "why did you make mommy cry?" "why don't you love mommy?" She has also BURNED a photo album we made for his son, because it had pictures of me and his new siblings in it.
I finally got to see her house (she was not there when we went to pick up his son, and my husband called me over to look in a window to prove his point) The house was beyond pigsty- it was disgusting. Cigarette butts in glasses, food leftovers, piles of unwashed dishes, beer cans everywhere... I could go on and on. His son has a permanent flat spot on the back of his head from where she kept him in his swing all the damn time when he was a baby while she played on the internet! I'm sorry, but I call that child abuse. Those are minor examples, I don't have the patience to get into too much, it just makes me so mad and frustrated. And yes, we have been keeping a journal of all of this !
The worst part is that all her craziness is only hurting that little boy... taking love away from him that his father and all of us would be all too willing to give. We take pictures of the gifts we send him- she tends to tell him those gifts are from her. I just hope someday he will know the truth- that his father has been busting his butt trying to see him, and loves him more than he will ever know.
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Comments for
Where Do You Turn When they All Say "No," or, Dealing With a Psycho Ex
I am the OP, and I just want to say thanks for all of your supportive comments. My husband and I have not seen his son since... well, since before I posted the original thread. I do think the idea of sending my husband's requests via certified mail is great- but she would never go pick it up from the post office. She is not going to do ANYTHING that would help him out or give him anything to work with in regards to all of this. As far as hiring attorneys go, we have tried to hire attorneys in Florida, Ohio, Texas, and now Minnesota, and everyone we consult with say that this is not in their jurisdiction. (sorry if I did not make that clear in the OP) Yes, even Ohio, where the child support is being enforced and where she lives, says that it's a matter for Florida because that is where the divorce took place and the orders were made. Florida says no, she lives in Ohio and child support is being collected there, so it's Ohio's thing, yadda yadda and so on and so forth. I'm not sure if the police dept. in her city will cooperate with Florida orders- but we are going to call them anyway just to see what we can do about having them help with enforcing orders. Thanks again- this has been hard on us, but we are hoping that we can get custody of him by the time he turns 15. (Our justice system is so speedy, isn't it?)
Jul 21, 2009 Rating
I so understand, have gone threw it 6years now too!! by: Anonymous
We have had such a similar situation. When police are called every time to remove the child for visitation. That you all know each other on a first name basis. You know it is bad.
When the child is told the most horrible things about there parent and any new family member's. Like there siblings will molest and abuse them so they will not interact with any other members of the family.
When mom remarries a -CONVICTED- (2 times)FELONY child abuser and the court says nothing about that. Even when the child tells you how he hit them and the mom new all about it. They say, that is bad and put a new line in a piece of paper and figure that will make it stop. But bitches because you watch a PG 13 movie and the child is 11 not 13. So you are abusing the child so they threaten to take visitation time from the dad.
The cops do nothing it is the DA's job, the DA does nothing it is child supports job, Child support does nothing you have to go back to court. File the paper's wait three months as this continues to happen. Show up for court, mom files an extension. Show up in two more months mom needs more time to get an attorney. Two more months. Mom can't come she had a flat. Three more months, finally come to court in all this time you see your kid one time a week before the last court date. The judge looks at mom says I see there is a pattern here but you are now allowing visits? Mom says "Oh yes your honor." Judge says, "I see she has learned her lesson." Nothing is done and some how it is all Dads fault because he should have tried harder but in a way that did not offend MOM.
And 37 court dates later, when the child who was 4 when all this started, is now 17 and completely messed up. Dad gets custody if only they had known this before!!!
But thank god they are all there for the BENEFIT OF THE CHILD!!!! Earning tons of our tax dollars!
Jul 09, 2009 Rating
eonomic hostage by: Anonymous
thats a shame that the system allow this to happen.but like i said the government has found a way to make us slaves and work for them in the name of child support.Did you know that they make money off the billions of dollars they collect from the interest they collect? They ar the Gansters they dont care abpout families.my prayers go out to you
leave her to god he will take of her she will soon end up in a bad way some way some how . tell your husband go to www.fhu.com and download a cd called BE STILL AND KNOW it will show you how to deal with DEMONDS like his ex
Jun 25, 2009 Rating
ex wife by: Anonymous
I am an ex wife but nothing like his.
I suggest you get copies of your husband's account from the attorney general's office in Florida since you said they won't send it to Ohio. That is his proof of where he stands.
If his visitation is set down in his divorce, make it be enforced. He needs to contact the police dept of her city and ask them what he needs to do to enforce the order. It is a legal court order. She can't refuse him his court ordered times with his child or she can be arrested. Granted, I am in Texas. Check Ohio's child custody laws.
If she has had the case moved where she is, then that is the office you need to contact. They may even be able to help out with legal direction as to who a good attorney would be for your husband. They can tell you what can or can't be done in their state.
With proof of her actions and things you say she is doing with her personal life, has your husband tried to get custody of his child?? Talk to a local attorney if that is a desired option for you. Also start recording everything!! Record phone conversations between him and her, let her know he is doing it. Keep written records of all correspondences and try to get things in writing. If he requests time with his son, put it in writing and even certified mail that she has to sign for. In writing will always win over verbal in a situation like this. When he does get to see his child, take video.
Good luck!! She sounds like a real peach. I hope she understands by wanting to make your husband miserable, she is hurting her own child. When the child gets to be older and understands what she has done, she will really shine as the bad parent.
Jun 22, 2009 Rating
Hello by: Anonymous
Have ya'll called child protective services on her? Report her anonymously if you must but report that behavior.
