Where Do You Turn When they All Say "No," or, Dealing With a Psycho Ex

by TD
(MN)

Okay, I am sick of seeing my husband and step-son suffer at the hands of a bitter, resentful ex. (Oh my, this may get a little confusing BUT- here we go.)


My husband and his ex divorced in Bay County, FL in August 2003. She had an attorney, he did not- as she spent all of his money on her attorney, and he trusted after 8 years of marriage to this crazy lady that she would not sink so low as to ream him on support and visitation. (Stupid, I know- and he knows this now!) They resided in the same city, my husband moved out and she had the house. My husband was active duty military at the time, and she decided to move back to her mother's house in Ohio.

My husband moved back into the (empty) house, paying her $1800/month for support (800 support, 1000 alimony) and the visitation schedule was for every other weekend, rotating holidays, and two weeks per summer after June 15th. He got raked over the coals, I guess you could say. He never missed a payment (military wouldn't let anyone if they tried!), yet his visitation was royally screwed when she moved to OH. He always bore the burden of travel and hotels and trying to accrue enough leave to go up to OH. She never called, hasn't to this day as a matter of fact, so his son could talk to him... even though he has sent phone cards (she says they are just too difficult to use, although he paid for her engineering degree with the alimony/child support after their divorce!) He always has to call his son (who is now 6- yes, she cheated on him and then had their kid, and they just couldn't work things out) The kicker is this: he/we have been trying to hire an attorney for 4 years now, and no matter where we go, they say it's not in their jurisdiction! What the heck!?

Of course we no longer live in Florida, now in Minnesota (he went out of active duty and into a DOD job last year), she is still in Ohio, the child support is now being enforced through Ohio because she persued it there (and they will not co-operate with Florida, so Florida is saying he has a $90,000 + debt although he is completely caught up, just via OH... but Ohio child support whoevertheyare refuses to tell Florida! ) yet the divorce/visitation/support orders were made in Florida. We have tried attorneys in all these states, and they all say "no, you should petition in insert other state here" We want to do something, but we have no idea where to start!!! We have been saving for an attorney, and it is so frustrating... she has kept us broke for so long, yet we still save and save just for a weekend in stupid Ohio when it is CONVENIENT FOR HER.

He is trying to get his son for the week of the fourth of July, (it's after June 15th!) But now she's trying to say she scheduled that week off, so he can't get him. What do we do? She is a bitter, bitter person, and sadly lives to make his life hell. (This has been since he met and married me- she throws out any gifts to his son that have my name and his siblings' names on them)

Please. Any tips or advice would be great, as I am so tired of seeing my husband lose his mind over this. All he wants is to see his son.

Edit: I do not believe I made it clear as to why I used the terms "psycho" and "crazy" when referring to his ex. He always told me how she would try to punch him in the face during arguments, smash his guitars, called him horrible names all the time, never EVER cleaned the house (although she had no job or kids at the time), and flirted with and physically met with people she met online. I thought the things he told me about her might be a bit exaggerated, but over the past four years, I have actually seen this type of behavior on her part with my own eyes. For example: I was sitting with him when he called to schedule a time to get his son for a weekend visit while we were in Ohio, and she started in on a payment being late (he had just been stationed in TX from FL, and his payments were coming out of his paycheck.

The move caused her payment that month to be a whopping two weeks late), then went off yelling in his ear about how he didn't care about her or her son, yadda yadda yadda, and he's trying to do damage control the whole time she is screaming. She then put his then three year-old son on the phone and made him tell his dadday "why did you make mommy cry?" "why don't you love mommy?" She has also BURNED a photo album we made for his son, because it had pictures of me and his new siblings in it.

I finally got to see her house (she was not there when we went to pick up his son, and my husband called me over to look in a window to prove his point) The house was beyond pigsty- it was disgusting. Cigarette butts in glasses, food leftovers, piles of unwashed dishes, beer cans everywhere... I could go on and on. His son has a permanent flat spot on the back of his head from where she kept him in his swing all the damn time when he was a baby while she played on the internet! I'm sorry, but I call that child abuse. Those are minor examples, I don't have the patience to get into too much, it just makes me so mad and frustrated. And yes, we have been keeping a journal of all of this !

The worst part is that all her craziness is only hurting that little boy... taking love away from him that his father and all of us would be all too willing to give. We take pictures of the gifts we send him- she tends to tell him those gifts are from her. I just hope someday he will know the truth- that his father has been busting his butt trying to see him, and loves him more than he will ever know.

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Comments for Where Do You Turn When they All Say "No," or, Dealing With a Psycho Ex

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I'D BE A PHYSCO TOO IF YOU STOLE MY HUSBAND WHILE I WAS PREGNANT!!
by: Anonymous

Something about this story really hit me and didn't seem right! And I'm reading and reading and reading........ than I get to the part that really, really upsets me, when the 3 yr old gets on the phone and is asking why don't you love mommy? than it hits me! Than there is the comment above, saying to call social services. Ya know you poor thing, you are the imagine of perfection! You are an amazing angel! You cook and clean, the perfect wife and mother and your husband is the perfect father, innocent as the day is long! You put up with so much from this horrific woman and yet still manage to buy her son gifts and spend endless hours on the internet character assassinating someone, from the way you describe her, outta be locked up and throw away the key! If she is half as bad as you claim, there wouldn't be an issue, b-cuz dcfs would of taken that child long ago! Yet I hear no mention of dcfs or police, so right there your credibility goes out the window! And 3 yr old, from how you describe it, you were married quite sometime by the time the 3 yr old was asking why don't you love mommy? Hmmm, perhaps your leaving out some vital truths? answers to the mystery of what might attribute to your definition of this woman's psychosis? I think I'd go a bit crazy to if my husband was married and settled in with his new wife and ready made family and my son was only 3!!!! Gee, could it be shes crazy because, giving you the big benefit of the doubt, you were at best, with her husband immediately after giving birth? or possibly still pregnant? Instead of spending your days slandering this poor woman's name, the true victim, why don't you try being honest and seek some help for yourself! Cuz what kind of human and i use that term loosely, does that to another human being? especially, a pregnant or new mother?? and there is absolutely no denying you are the true horrible person, you are the home wrecker and if she's not a fit parent, it is your fault due to the undue hardship, of the unimaginable hell u and your loser, scumbag husband put on her! you probably talk online, b-cuz everyone in your world knows the truth, despite your free flowing lies! next time, lie about that poor kids age, that you destroyed his life and than have the nerve to slam the innocent wife, so you don't get found out! well i wish you the best of luck, b-cuz usually the way you get a man is the way you lose him! And you will change your tune when the novelty wheres off and your the one the new wife is bitching about! When the mistress becomes the wife, she leaves a vacancy to be filled! I promise you that! In the mean time, I hope she gets everything, enjoy being poor, your turn is coming, count on it!

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Not manipulated :/
by: TD

I wrote this story. I have been with my husband for 8 years now, and all that I wrote about, I witnessed myself- plus a ton more from that psycho since I wrote this. I also learned that our stepson has lived with his grandmother since he was 18 months, and his mom lives in a house she purchased 3 years ago about 25 miles away. He sometimes sees her on weekends. She has been making a ton of money working as an engineer, so there is no excuse for her anymore. She doesn't want him, but she doesn't want us to have him, out of spite. So NO, this is not the case of some dumb woman buying some bitter guy's lines about his ex. Women as a whole are not gullible idiots, you know.

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Not manipulated at all.
by: TD

Anon- I have been married to this wonderful man for 8 years. I have seen and heard her crazy, venomous rants (and recorded a few). My husband does not bad-mouth her to anyone, including her, because we do not want to set a bad example for our children (and we really don't even want to think about her- just makes our blood pressure spike!)
I have found out that he has always lived with his grandmother- she has a house about a half-hour away, and he visits some weekends!!! We have wanted him with us the whole time, her own mother whom he's been living with all these years wants him with us, but no. She doesn't want him, but she doesn't want my husband to have him. We simply can't afford $10,000 + attorney and court fees. (we probably could if we weren't paying her almost $1,000 per month for a child she doesn't keep! And apparently, that's perfectly okay in the eyes of the law!)

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easily manipulated.
by: Anonymous

I'm sorry but some women need to learn that men will lie out of their ass about their ex's because some easily manipulated desperate girl will fall for their lies and help cause the ex trouble. My ex is over 30 grand behind in support and got his new girlfriend to stalk, harass, us all because I kicked his ass to the curb and he wanted revenge. Don't ever just take a man's word for shit most wouldn't tell the truth even if their lives depended on it. You never know what he could have put her through. The first thing men do is run and find another woman to play mommy!! Thing is they don't care about the kids, ex, or new woman!!

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Thank You
by: Anonymous

I am the OP, and I just want to say thanks for all of your supportive comments. My husband and I have not seen his son since... well, since before I posted the original thread. I do think the idea of sending my husband's requests via certified mail is great- but she would never go pick it up from the post office. She is not going to do ANYTHING that would help him out or give him anything to work with in regards to all of this. As far as hiring attorneys go, we have tried to hire attorneys in Florida, Ohio, Texas, and now Minnesota, and everyone we consult with say that this is not in their jurisdiction. (sorry if I did not make that clear in the OP) Yes, even Ohio, where the child support is being enforced and where she lives, says that it's a matter for Florida because that is where the divorce took place and the orders were made. Florida says no, she lives in Ohio and child support is being collected there, so it's Ohio's thing, yadda yadda and so on and so forth. I'm not sure if the police dept. in her city will cooperate with Florida orders- but we are going to call them anyway just to see what we can do about having them help with enforcing orders. Thanks again- this has been hard on us, but we are hoping that we can get custody of him by the time he turns 15. (Our justice system is so speedy, isn't it?)

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I so understand, have gone threw it 6years now too!!
by: Anonymous

We have had such a similar situation. When police are called every time to remove the child for visitation. That you all know each other on a first name basis. You know it is bad.

When the child is told the most horrible things about there parent and any new family member's. Like there siblings will molest and abuse them so they will not interact with any other members of the family.

When mom remarries a -CONVICTED- (2 times)FELONY child abuser and the court says nothing about that. Even when the child tells you how he hit them and the mom new all about it. They say, that is bad and put a new line in a piece of paper and figure that will make it stop. But bitches because you watch a PG 13 movie and the child is 11 not 13. So you are abusing the child so they threaten to take visitation time from the dad.

The cops do nothing it is the DA's job, the DA does nothing it is child supports job, Child support does nothing you have to go back to court. File the paper's wait three months as this continues to happen. Show up for court, mom files an extension. Show up in two more months mom needs more time to get an attorney. Two more months. Mom can't come she had a flat. Three more months, finally come to court in all this time you see your kid one time a week before the last court date. The judge looks at mom says I see there is a pattern here but you are now allowing visits? Mom says "Oh yes your honor." Judge says, "I see she has learned her lesson." Nothing is done and some how it is all Dads fault because he should have tried harder but in a way that did not offend MOM.

And 37 court dates later, when the child who was 4 when all this started, is now 17 and completely messed up. Dad gets custody if only they had known this before!!!

But thank god they are all there for the BENEFIT OF THE CHILD!!!! Earning tons of our tax dollars!

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eonomic hostage
by: Anonymous

thats a shame that the system allow this to happen.but like i said the government has found a way to make us slaves and work for them in the name of child support.Did you know that they make money off the billions of dollars they collect from the interest they collect? They ar the Gansters they dont care abpout families.my prayers go out to you
leave her to god he will take of her she will soon end up in a bad way some way some how . tell your husband go to www.fhu.com and download a cd called BE STILL AND KNOW it will show you how to deal with DEMONDS like his ex

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ex wife
by: Anonymous

I am an ex wife but nothing like his.

I suggest you get copies of your husband's account from the attorney general's office in Florida since you said they won't send it to Ohio. That is his proof of where he stands.

If his visitation is set down in his divorce, make it be enforced. He needs to contact the police dept of her city and ask them what he needs to do to enforce the order. It is a legal court order. She can't refuse him his court ordered times with his child or she can be arrested. Granted, I am in Texas. Check Ohio's child custody laws.

If she has had the case moved where she is, then that is the office you need to contact. They may even be able to help out with legal direction as to who a good attorney would be for your husband. They can tell you what can or can't be done in their state.

With proof of her actions and things you say she is doing with her personal life, has your husband tried to get custody of his child?? Talk to a local attorney if that is a desired option for you. Also start recording everything!! Record phone conversations between him and her, let her know he is doing it. Keep written records of all correspondences and try to get things in writing. If he requests time with his son, put it in writing and even certified mail that she has to sign for. In writing will always win over verbal in a situation like this. When he does get to see his child, take video.

Good luck!! She sounds like a real peach. I hope she understands by wanting to make your husband miserable, she is hurting her own child. When the child gets to be older and understands what she has done, she will really shine as the bad parent.


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Hello
by: Anonymous

Have ya'll called child protective services on her? Report her anonymously if you must but report that behavior.

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