Where Do You Turn When they All Say "No," or, Dealing With a Psycho Ex
Okay, I am sick of seeing my husband and step-son suffer at the hands of a bitter, resentful ex. (Oh my, this may get a little confusing BUT- here we go.)
My husband and his ex divorced in Bay County, FL in August 2003. She had an attorney, he did not- as she spent all of his money on her attorney, and he trusted after 8 years of marriage to this crazy lady that she would not sink so low as to ream him on support and visitation. (Stupid, I know- and he knows this now!) They resided in the same city, my husband moved out and she had the house. My husband was active duty military at the time, and she decided to move back to her mother's house in Ohio.
My husband moved back into the (empty) house, paying her $1800/month for support (800 support, 1000 alimony) and the visitation schedule was for every other weekend, rotating holidays, and two weeks per summer after June 15th. He got raked over the coals, I guess you could say. He never missed a payment (military wouldn't let anyone if they tried!), yet his visitation was royally screwed when she moved to OH. He always bore the burden of travel and hotels and trying to accrue enough leave to go up to OH. She never called, hasn't to this day as a matter of fact, so his son could talk to him... even though he has sent phone cards (she says they are just too difficult to use, although he paid for her engineering degree with the alimony/child support after their divorce!) He always has to call his son (who is now 6- yes, she cheated on him and then had their kid, and they just couldn't work things out) The kicker is this: he/we have been trying to hire an attorney for 4 years now, and no matter where we go, they say it's not in their jurisdiction! What the heck!?
Of course we no longer live in Florida, now in Minnesota (he went out of active duty and into a DOD job last year), she is still in Ohio, the child support is now being enforced through Ohio because she persued it there (and they will not co-operate with Florida, so Florida is saying he has a $90,000 + debt although he is completely caught up, just via OH... but Ohio child support whoevertheyare refuses to tell Florida! ) yet the divorce/visitation/support orders were made in Florida. We have tried attorneys in all these states, and they all say "no, you should petition in insert other state here" We want to do something, but we have no idea where to start!!! We have been saving for an attorney, and it is so frustrating... she has kept us broke for so long, yet we still save and save just for a weekend in stupid Ohio when it is CONVENIENT FOR HER.
He is trying to get his son for the week of the fourth of July, (it's after June 15th!) But now she's trying to say she scheduled that week off, so he can't get him. What do we do? She is a bitter, bitter person, and sadly lives to make his life hell. (This has been since he met and married me- she throws out any gifts to his son that have my name and his siblings' names on them)
Please. Any tips or advice would be great, as I am so tired of seeing my husband lose his mind over this. All he wants is to see his son.
Edit: I do not believe I made it clear as to why I used the terms "psycho" and "crazy" when referring to his ex. He always told me how she would try to punch him in the face during arguments, smash his guitars, called him horrible names all the time, never EVER cleaned the house (although she had no job or kids at the time), and flirted with and physically met with people she met online. I thought the things he told me about her might be a bit exaggerated, but over the past four years, I have actually seen this type of behavior on her part with my own eyes. For example: I was sitting with him when he called to schedule a time to get his son for a weekend visit while we were in Ohio, and she started in on a payment being late (he had just been stationed in TX from FL, and his payments were coming out of his paycheck.
The move caused her payment that month to be a whopping two weeks late), then went off yelling in his ear about how he didn't care about her or her son, yadda yadda yadda, and he's trying to do damage control the whole time she is screaming. She then put his then three year-old son on the phone and made him tell his dadday "why did you make mommy cry?" "why don't you love mommy?" She has also BURNED a photo album we made for his son, because it had pictures of me and his new siblings in it.
I finally got to see her house (she was not there when we went to pick up his son, and my husband called me over to look in a window to prove his point) The house was beyond pigsty- it was disgusting. Cigarette butts in glasses, food leftovers, piles of unwashed dishes, beer cans everywhere... I could go on and on. His son has a permanent flat spot on the back of his head from where she kept him in his swing all the damn time when he was a baby while she played on the internet! I'm sorry, but I call that child abuse. Those are minor examples, I don't have the patience to get into too much, it just makes me so mad and frustrated. And yes, we have been keeping a journal of all of this !
The worst part is that all her craziness is only hurting that little boy... taking love away from him that his father and all of us would be all too willing to give. We take pictures of the gifts we send him- she tends to tell him those gifts are from her. I just hope someday he will know the truth- that his father has been busting his butt trying to see him, and loves him more than he will ever know.
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