Why do people always feel sympathy for women?

by Q
(TX)

To everyone who reads this. I'm Q and I am 15. As I have grown up, I can become of an apparent fear. Paying LOTS more from something I shouldn't have to. I have a brother, and a sister. My sister and I had the same dad(he was murdered), but my brother has a different dad.


My mom raises us singally. We aren't poor but not rich(middle class). I can tell you that my mom has a good job and we have and get good things(not to mention support from BOTH sides of grandparents). I know that my mom doesn't like my brothers dad for lots of reasons. One is because he never paid child support. Now this is what im getting at. We HAVE nice things, we have a 4 bedroom house, we have our own rooms and nice chlothes, shoes, entertainment, etc. My brother will argue with our mother that she always kept him from his dad and his side of the family(she did). She would always tell him stories about all of the bad things him and his family would try to do to take him away from her(they did). Now my mom is good she never didn't allow him visitation rights of anything. But he is 18 now. He is about to go to college and his dad and his side the family have always tried to make my brother hate our mom by buying him expensive things and telling him "oh you can always come live with us, we'll buy you nice things and take care of you". We originally lived in louisiana (were his dad and his family resides), but moved to Texas for a better job. He is now starting to see how they are. I haven't asked her about it yet but why would you keep telling him about how he did pay child support when you didn't even need it? His dad makes good money, but she never needed it or anything. I think that all women feel that a man should pay something for a child they both had (which we should) but if you don't need it, why put them on child support. I think that it should be a choice for a father to be a part of his child's life. No mother shouldn't make you pay for a responsibility you have, but they shouldn't use excuses like "oh, hes your son so u shouldgive me 1500 a month for him"

Every time I watch the Maury Show with a man who has 3 babies from 3 women and claim none are his (which are most of the time they are when with more than one 1 woman). Once the results are in the baby mommas get in his face cussin, sayin" oh she needs diapers, and shoes! Why you gonna buy shoes?!" never do you hear them saying "oh its so hard. I'm working 3 jobs and barely making rent" they just want you to pay them. Now as a child and a young man, we(all men) I know that ALL child support money doesn't go on the child. My mom never spends any money on herself before us, but all women aren't like my mom.

So when a man decides "I aint gonna pay this" the woman gets mad and sooner or later she gonna want something bad to happen to the man. It could even be 18 years later. Now in a man eyes I would say, he would be like it's over now. My childs grown and at some point we will feel sorry we didn't have anything to do in our child's life and regret our actions. Now in a womans eyes I would say, she feels angry that she should have had to raise however many kids by herself and the man has to pay. I can never figure out why women think dads of their children owe them something.

I feel myself scared of loving a woman and having sex, in fear of having a baby and ruining my life with all the child support drama. So I say to myself, get married then have planned kids. Even then, the woman could divorce you at any time she wants for whatever reason, take your child from you and take your money. To me there is no way around it. If you have a baby with any woman in this day in age, she can leave you at any time, not the fear of being left, but the fear of the taking of your child(which 9 times out of 10 happens during child custody in favor of woman) and taking LOTS more money from you than is needed to raise however many possible. I have read too many articles and blogs about men whos lives are ruined due to womens cheating of the child support system. I love girls and women but am finding it hard to start a family when I get older due to womens power over men in the legal system when dealing with a child. Some encouraging words of wisdom would be comforting but, as a teenager still learning the world could I ask why do women feel the need for a man to take care of them when they don't need to and why do people of legal power always feel sorry for the woman when in half the cases shes not even the one to feel sympathy for? Could a well educated adult tell me where im wrong and why are some things this way?

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Child Support.
by: Anonymous

Dear Q

I have four children I took care of them by myself with no child support. I did not need it I got a job. The children didn't do without except a dad which didn't want anything to do with them, so I took my children and moved away. This reminds me of a song "Our children are crying and dieing" The devil has taken over and we have let him. I hope the best for you and with God in your life you can go far. The heartaches will ease. God bless you for being so smart at a young age.

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Child support arrearage
by: Nancy

My husband & I have had custody of our neice since 2001. She is my husbands brothers child. Her Dad passed in 2008. Now her Mom wants her back and we believe it is for the Social Security Money only. She owes over $16,ooo in arrearage. If she gets her back I guess that means we loose our neice and everything. The poor child will end up having nothing. Not even any money for College. What are the laws about arrearage if the parent gets the child back?

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good question
by: Anonymous

Unfortunatly the system isn't equal and maybe in times things will change but not in our lifetimes your fears are sound to have a child is special thing and to have that tooken from you is like a death in the family and can take years of financial and emotional strain to deal with but this is life I am in smimlar shoes but much older I have a daughter with 50/50 custody after many years of fighting for my rights and I never wanted my child to be put through this and yes whenever im with a lady it is in the back of my mind what I can lose if things go wrong I lost my house my child my job etc. took along time to get back on my feet but with perservance i succeeded in theory its better to have loved and lost rather than never loved at all so even though you take a chance of losing it all for someone its worth it i think thats kinda the point to love someone so completly your willing to take that chance if advice i could give if had to do over again I wouldn't change it I loved her even though it didn't last a awesome kid and a father i am which i am forever grateful regardless of the pain i guess if anything i would communicate and know that person as much as possible before jumpin in see how they treat others friends and enemies alike because you may be on both sides at time and make sure you can deal with that persons on her worst days before making a commitment cuz relationships can and will effect you life financial emotionalyy hell every aspect of your life

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WOW!
by: Stepmother of 3

Dear Q,
I'm very impressed, it is about time someone asked this question at the age you are. First off it goes back to the old days when the men worked and the women stayed home with the children is one reason that the childsupport system was setup they way that it is(More sympathy for women)It has been that way for many years. I understand the way you feel, everyday someone is getting divorced and the children are the ones that I feel sorry for because their lives are being torn apart. The Child support system is very messed up, It makes the childrens life even worse because parents hold resentments against each other when MONEY is involved . It doesn't matter who it is when MONEY is involved people get greedy. I can tell you are a very smart young man and the only way this SYSTEM can get changed is if people are willing to change it. I wish you all the luck and some day it will get better. GOD Bless.

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