Worn Out Custodial Parent

by Jennifer
(New Mexico)

10 years ago I divorced the father of my two now teenage girls. He was a liar a cheat and had some emmotional problems and was a "pot head", said he didnt have to deal with life if he was constantly stoned. However he was my older daughters best friend. She melted like a big Hershey bar, her chocolate brown hair fell into her face and she cried so hard when I told her he left us for another woman. My younger girl never delt with it and now at age 15 it is coming out and she feels like her dad never loved her. My heart aches for my daughters not this man. He was ordered to pay me a lousy $243.00 child support a month he never has and now makes a considerable ammount of money more than he did 10 years ago.

I work 3 jobs and still dont earn enough to make it. Many times our utilities are turned off and we hardly ever eat dinner together becuase we dont have nothing to make, so we eat peanut butter sandwiches or crackers. I ask him for just "SOME" help and he wont. How can a man do this? He says he doesnt want to contribute becuase I live there and take showers eat watch tv ETC. But will give me money if I have sex with him I never-never do and never will!! GROSS!! So me and my girls live week to week sometimes it just seems like I cant go on I never have time with them becuase I only see them 2-3 hours a day. And him, he has a new vehicle I drive a worn out 95 dodge pickup, he eats out everyday and is overweight, (I lost over 50lbs becuase of hard times) has many forms of entertainment, bought a new house with land, gets vacations etc. etc. etc. We struggle every day of every week year after year and he keeps stoned and rolling in money often taking a new woman out for a nice dinner.Then once in a while he will ask to take the girls out, I let him and all he can say is theyre a lot of trouble and very expensive. Iam so tired of working, all of us never having what we need or even going to see a movie becuase all the money I earn is spoken for.

I am a failure as a mom becuase he has made life so hard. I go on for the girls I love them so much but I sometimes wish to be like him a forty something partyier with no responsibility except to his $65 thousand dollar a year job where he can meet lonely housewives. I am angry he made life so difficult and it has taken my spirit away and Ive lost so much time with my kids becuase I have to work all the time. I am embarrassed and dissapointed to say I will be glad when my girls grow up so my burdon is somewhat lifted.But what then, just tears of missing out on most of thier lives becuase I picked a stoned looser as thier father. Pray for me and my precious girls. Thank you.


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