You Need to See the BIGGER Picture!!!!!!!

by Paula Printup
(Denton Texas)

Babies are a Blessing

Babies are a Blessing

Non custodial parents who feel that they need to know what the custodial parent is spending the child support money on...etc or how they feel they shouldn't have to pay the amount of money they pay for child support just really irks me. Especially the ones who are ordered by a judge to pay child support and still continue not to. If you helped create a blessing like a child then the least you can do is BE A PARENT and stop making excuses.



First of all you can't put a price on everything the mother or custodial parent does for the child that isn't financial.

1. You can't put a price on a mother staying up all night with her child while he is sick.
-While the dead beat is out god knows where sleeping peaceful with no worries!

2. You can't put a price on teaching your child morals, right from wrong, knowledge, or the meaning of what unconditonal love is.
-While the only thing the dead beat has taught the child is how to be invisible!

3. You can't put a price on everything a mother has to sacrifice because she knows her childs wants and needs will always come first.
-While the dead beat is sacrificing nothing as if he has no child!

4. You can't put a price on missing work to take your child to the doctor.
-While the dead beat is probably at home or work without any inconviences!

5. You can't put a price on working the night shift because you can't afford daycare in the mornings therefore spending your day and night working.
-While the dad has no one to answer for while he makes his petty decisions!

6. You can't put a price on going to work with only 3 hours of sleep continously because of being a mother and putting the childs needs first.
-While the dead beat dad takes care of no one but himself therefore having all the lousy time in the world to be even more useless!

7. You can't put a price on being a mother and father.
-While the dead beat isn't even being a man!

8. You can't put a price on having a loud day at work just to come home and do it all over with your child.
-While the dead beat is free to isolate himself from any chaos he can't handle considering he isn't a man anyways!

9. You can't put a price attending all your child's activities and events while giving them moral support.
-While the dead beat can't even call and say good luck!

10. You can't put a price on being a good parent and taking all the responsibilites that come with it WITHOUT a judge having to order you to.
-While the dead beat has to be ordered by a judge to take care of something so beautiful he helped create!

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Do you have any of your own $$?
by: Anonymous

I've seen the opposite side of this. My ex's babymama sat on her big ol' butt playing Wii while my husband paid for everything for herself and barely anything for their child. Of course I wanted to know what she was spending all the money on!!! It ended up being WeightWatchers and a new bed for herself, while their daughter had no winter clothing. Their are also "Dead Beat Moms" though I don't tend to use that word. It is disgusting how everyone makes this all about the cash.
I'm also a single mom, and while I do get some child support from my child's dad, I don't rely on his money to raise our child. I prefer having my own job and being independant! Women need to stand on their own 2 feet and stop living off of "dead beats" money. Stop complaining and do something.

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yes, i would like to keep him away...
by: Anonymous

Yes there is a child support order for over 450 a month but in the last 8 months my son has received a whopping $306.10. This is not the reason why I'd like to keep his dad away. When you make empty promises to your child(ren) who repeatedly tell you all they want is to spend time with you without so much a phone call, it cuts deeper than you think. My 3 yr old son has asked me"why daddy doesn't want me" several times after his dad would not show up. Being a parent is not a part-time job nor is it an off and on relationship so dont treat the kid(s) like one. it hurts them more by coming in & out of their lives than not being there at all. at least they wont have to put up with being yanked around on a chain of lies and no shows. I myself have cried too many tears over an absent parent and I now watch my son do the same. I would never deny my son an opportunity to spend time with his dad but damn if I don't wish he'd just stay the hell away when he pops in every 4 months for a period of about 4 days... the bastard lives less than 5 minutes away. No excuse not to be there physically nor financially. What kind of example would my son have to look up to?

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i agree with the person
by: Anonymous

Most of the people posting are not thinking of all the situations that are out there going on. Not all non-custodial parents are deadbeats. My son is living with his father who is the custodial parent and the judge definitely did not know what is best for my children. My ex-husband makes $70,000 per year and his wife makes $40,000 and he complains that he need more support money. My child support went from $410 to $545.Add that amount up for a year and see what you come up with. One child does not need that kind of money. Custodial parents should be forced to provide receipts for everyting the money was used for when they go to court asking for more money. The child should also attend and say whether or not he/she received the items the custodial parent is claiming that he purchased for the child. how wrong is it for a custodial parent to receive all this money and when the child is ready for college the custodial parent has not saved one penny for this child's education? that parent need to be forced to pay for 4 years of that childs education without any child support.

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Not all noncustodial parents are deadbeat!
by: Anonymous

I have to agree with the other comments. Not all "dads" are deadbeats! Some dads actually do more than the custodial "mothers" do. But when the court system decides it is best to keep children of divorce in the same quality of life as they were in during the marriage, which household do they mean? Not all non custodial parents are living it up, while the custodial parents is struggling. How fair is it to the children when they have to visit the other parent in a small 1 bedroom apartment. How fair is it when the other parent can't take them to the movies, amusement parks, out to dinner or even on vacation, because they can't afford to. After child support, they may still have other financial obligations left from the divorce such as debt, along with college funds, life insurance and out of pocket medical bills. A good non custodial parent struggles to get their own lives back together after the financial devastation. Their children are stuck in the middle. Many custodial parents act like they are victims and use their children as pawns in their game of revenge against the other parent. Children become a business while the other parent is pushed aside and their only value to the courts is as a source of money. There are many custodial parents that abuse the system to get what they want and lose site of the needs of the children. They forget they also have obligations to their children, financially as well. Non custodial parents struggle to maintain emotional and sometimes physical relationships with their kids and ultimately children are the only losers. While there are still many deadbeat non custodial parents, do not forget that custodial parents can be deadbeats. Too!

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YOU MAKE ME SICK!!!!
by: Stepmorther of 3

WOMEN YOU HAVE NO CLUE!!!! First off the ones that want an account of where the money is being spent, get their child(ren) on the weekends or summer either the child has no clothes, when they come over or complain that they haven't eaten in awhile. Also the ones that complain that they are paying to much 9 times out of 10 are PISSED because when it time to get their child they don't have the money to get them or to do things with their child(ren). Then you are also classifing them all as Dead Beats, Dead Beat is a person that doesn't take responsiblity for their actions, lord knows their alot of them out there, but their is also Dead Beat Custodial Parents for example my husband is paying $841 a month for his son THAT IS LIVING WITH US! According to Texas he has to live with Us for 6 months before the state can give us physical custody. Then even after that the child support he pay's right now his son will not get back. My stepson dislikes his mother, she never buy's clothes, food or any thing he needs.He either asks us or his grand parents for food, clothes, etc. She spends his childsupport on Drugs and Booze.BECAUSE SHE HAS NEVER WORKED AT A JOB AS FAR AS BEING A MOTHER SHE IS FAR FROM IT! So I suggest you rethink what you stated and maybe give some people a break. Because I have seen both sides and Custodial parents are deat beats too!!!!

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Saying one thing, then another?
by: Anonymous

Paula,

You open up by saying 'non-custodial/custodial' parents in your post, but then in your bullet points you almost always say the Mother and the 'dead beat'. Your intent is clear in your choice of words and clouds the potential for a positive impact from your statement.

As for non-custodial parents asking for details as to where the money is going to, why not? The non-custodial parent (notice the ambiguity, not singling out mothers or fathers here) is forced to offer up all details of their financial lives.

Some non-custodial parents want details because they are doing what they are supposed to do, but the custodial parent does everything legal (and illegal) to keep the non-custodial from seeing their children. Shouldn't the non-custodial at least know that what they are ordered to pay is going to the well being of their child if they are not being allowed their right to see their child?

See? I'm not slamming mothers or supporting fathers in a blanket fashion here. This is a problem that both parties are guilty of in some fashion or another, no matter who is the custodial parent and who isn't.

Let's use this site to share our experiences and try to make the system better, not make thinly veiled commentary about what we think or don't think about the other side.

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REPLY TO YOU NEED TO SEE THE BIGGER PICTURE
by: DENNIS COLE

FIRST OF ALL LETS START OUT BY THE PHRASE "DEAD BEAT DAD" YOU USE. NOT ALL DADS ARE DEAD BEATS AND ITS A HURTFULE PHRASE. YOU SOUND VERY ANGRY.YOU SHOULD REPHRASE IT TO DEAD BEAT PARENT NOT ALL DADS ARE DEAD BEATS.WHEN IT COMES TO A NONECUSTODIAL PARENT WANTING TO KNOW WERE THE MONEY GOES THERE CAN BE REASONS.MY X IS IN COURT NOW FOR ABUSE AND NEGLECT IN WASHINGTON COUNTY NYSHE WAS FOUNDED FOR NEGLECT BECAUSE SHE DOES NOTHING BUT DRINK ALL DAY .(IN HER OWN WORDS A 12 PACK A DAY OF BEER DOCUMENTED ON PAPER)
1 I SURE CAN I PUT MY LIFE ON HOLD FOR SIX YEARS WHILE THE MOTHER WENT OUT DRUGING AND DRINKING
2 TRUE IT IS HARD TO KEEP A LITTLE GIRLS HEAD STRAIGHT WHEN ALL SHE HEAR'S IS DAD IS A DEAD BEAT I WAS DX WITH MS AND FELT MY LITTLE ANGEL SHOULD GO WITH MOM THINKING HER MOM GREW UP BUT I WAS WRONG SHE DIDNT
3 MY DAUGHTER IS AND ALWAYS WILL BE #1 NO ONE IS ABOVE HER
4 TRY BEING A SINGLE DAD WHERE JOBS START AT 5 AM SCHOOL STARTS AT 8-9 AND DAYCARE IS NOWHERE TO BE FOUND THIS "DEAD BEAT DAD" WAS DOING EVERYTHING A DAD COULD DO TO MAKE A HAPPY LIFE FOR MY LITTLE GIRL NOT SITTING HOME AS HER MOM DOES DRINKING ALL DAY
5 I WOULD NEVER WORK THE NIGHT SHIFT AND PUT MY DAUGHTER WITH A STRANGER
6 MANY NIGHTS I WENT TO SLEEP WITH LESS THEN 3 HOURS BECAUSE SHE WAS SICK THE SYSTEM DOES NOT EXCEPT SINGLE DADS IVE LOST JOBS FOR THAT REASON BUT AS I SAID SHE IS #1
7 AS FOR THE "DEAD MAN DAD" NOT BEING A MAN LETS SEE I KNOW BOTH SIDES AND ITS HARD TO BE A MAN AND AND A SINGLE DAD CAUSE THE SYSTEM DOES NOTHING FOR DADS EVEN WHEN THEY HAVE FULL SOLE CUSTODY AND WHEN YOUR A NONE CUSTODIAL PARENT YOU GET RAPED BY THE SYSTEM AND CANT BE A FATHER OR DADDY TO YOUR CHILD CAUSE MOTHER HAS ALL MONEY TO SPEND ON BEER NOT THE CHILD. IN MY EYES CHILD SUPPORT IS JUST A WAY FOR WOMAN TO SIT HOME ON THERE BUTTS AND HAVE AN OPEN DEBIT CARD TO SOCIAL SRVICE
8 WELL THIS "DEAD BEAT DAD" IS NOT OUT PARTYING HE IS SITTING HERE WORRIED WILL MY DAUGHTER WAKE UP TODAY HAS THIS DRUNK FELL ASLEEP WITH A CIGARETTE AND BURNT THE HOUSE DOWN OR AS SHE WAS CHARGED WITH DRIVEING DRUNK WITH DAUGHTER IN CAR
9 THATS A GOOD ONE MAKES ME LAUGH THE SYSTEM ONLY ALLOWS EVERY OTHER WEEK END AND AS FOR SCHOOL EVENTS ITS UP TO THE MOTHER TO PUT YOUR NAME ON THOSE SO THE FATHER OR MOTHER CAN BE SENT LETTER'S LETTING THEM KNOW OF EVENTS
10 THE SYSTEM IS A MESS THERE SO OVER BOOKED WITH CASES THAT THEY JUST DONT LOOK VERY CLOSE AT THE SITUATION THE CHILD IS IN AND THEY DONT LISTEN TO CHILDREN MY DAUGHTER HAS CALLED ME SEVERAL TIMES TO TELL ME MOM IS DRUNK IM SCARED AND WHEN THE NONE CUSTODIAL PARENT BRINGS IT TO COURT NOTHING IS DONE THE COSTODIAL PARENT GETS A SLAP ON THE RIST AND TO KEEP YOU OUT OF COURT THEY WILL ATTACH MORE CHILD SUPPORT TO SCARE YOU AWAY BUT NOT THIS MAN KEEP IT COMING WASHINGTON COUNTY NY

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